Breakdown …
Yesterday I broke down on the M1. One of those emergency trucks charged me £200 to pull me off. I think it was the abominable towman!
Put it this way …
Some people have a keen sense of rumour.
Some people’s vocabulary is small, but their turnover is terrific.
GO!
A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he thought that God had given him two feet. Without hesitation, the son replied, “That’s easy, one for the clutch and one for the accelerator.”
The Present …
For their elderly vicar’s 70th birthday, the congregation at St Mary’s decided to give him a present of a new suit. The vicar was so moved by the gift that the following Sunday he stood before everyone and began his homily with a tear in his eye, “Today I am preaching to you in my birthday suit.”
If Biblical Headlines Were Written By Today’s Secular Media
On Red Sea Crossing:
WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOUR STRIKE
Pursuing environmentalists killed
On David vs. Goliath:
HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
Psychologist questions influence of rock
On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:
FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
400 killed
On the Birth of Christ:
STABLE OCCUPIED, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
Animal Rights activists enraged by insensitive couple
On Feeding the 5,000:
PREACHER STEALS CHILD’S LUNCH
Disciples mystified at leader’s callous behaviour
On Healing the 10 Lepers:
LOCAL DOCTOR’S PRACTICE RUINED
‘Faith Healer’ causes bankruptcy
On Healing of the Gadarene Demoniac:
MADMAN’S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local farmer’s investment lost
On Raising Lazarus From the Dead:
FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK
Will reading now has to be delayed
Musings On Daily Life
- ‘Ecclesiastic’ is material used to fasten a clergyman’s robes.
- A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
- I am in shape. Round is a shape.
- I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
- I am having an out of money experience.
- What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels.
- A cashew is a peanut with back trouble.
- What’s a perfect gift for a person who has everything? Storage space.
NEW! – Have a go at our March 2023 Word Search!